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confused ramblings

Confused ramblings from a very confused person on all sorts of subjects

Updated: 2016-09-07T21:32:58.279-07:00


It's been a while


Things have been pretty hectic but I'm surviving and doing good.In as much as I've had a lot of help and support from areas I never expected I've also had problems crop up from tons of unexpected places as well.As smoothly as things started its not going quite so easy now.

As my big day draws closer I realize how far I have to go in a short span of time its an almost impossible task but going to make the attempt.

Art and music


Things are really lining up for me in ways I would have never guessed.I have a new therapist working with me through this transition and she is wonderful.We now have a great support group here as well in which we have both people in the process of transition and professionals present.

Things are seemingly moving at light speed for me and as scared as I am I know its well past time I should have transitioned but simply thankful to finally be able to .I've still got a long road to go yet but I am looking forward to every single step.

I ran across a blog today I wanna share.Boris and Julie are 2 of the best artists I've ever seen and they have a really cool blog on here.I've been a fan of both for years.

For years I was only able to be myself through my music and my art.Through drawing and painting I could visualize myself as I've always felt and through music I could simply escape and become engrossed in the songs.

After finding their blog I started thinking about now days its me who is the canvas and I'm finally getting to fulfill the "art" of transition so I can look in a mirror and finally feel complete.
I'm also thinking its about time to dig out my brushes and canvas to restart painting again.
I actually found an old photo of Julie in her competitive bodybuilding days and had started a painting years ago basically transforming her into one of my fave comic characters Vampirella.

Guess my day today will be searching out my brushes as well as making a shopping list for paint.



Well I went to church yesterday as myself.I had a great time and was really super surprised at just how well I was accepted by everyone.The girls readily accepted me right in including the straight girls which kind of surprised me but was very welcome :).To all there I was just another female there to worship.I later went to a gathering with a group of the guys and figured out real fast how out of place i felt.not that they were mean at all or anything just fully realized i did not belong to that group so i grabbed a blanket curled up on a couch and mostly listened to everyone banter about church business.I was a real eye opener for me and I'm very thankful to each and everyone there.Was nice to be welcomed and be wanted.



Hopefully in a couple weeks I'll be back in church again and just get to be me and in a setting I love.Quite some time ago a dear friend and mentor took me to church.It was the most liberating thing that has ever happened to me.It felt great to first show myself to my friend for who I am for the first time in our lives and also to get to go worship simply as me.I have never felt so confident and self assured as I did sitting in that church with my Bible in hand.For most of my life I was told i was an abomination and after sitting there for a few moments I truly knew that was not the case at all and that God made me as am for a purpose.I sat down and within moments I had a huge feeling of true calm wash over me that I've truly never experienced before.What exactly that purpose is i don't know but I will follow as best I can to find out.Hopefully in this process of change I can also help others facing the same or similar situations.



Well I got several suprises in the last few weeks that have really made my day.I learned that my job is not only supportive of diversity it actualy encourages it including being trans.I have to wait a month to see our diversity mgr to out myself to him and start the process of on the job transition.I'm still completely in shock and amazed but my loyalty to the company as well as my respect went up 100% after learning that and also seeing Transgender Day of Rememberance listed on our official company calender.

Courage and Reality


I've been away for a bit after my first post due to changing conditions at home and within myself.I'm looking at and fully facing what was once a dream and fantasy of mine and making it into a true daily reality.If things go as they appear to be my life will make a 180 degree turn basicaly overnight.I'm scared,terrified,excited and a ton of other things at this point.Things I'd long dreamed of will be given a new life and a lot I'd also never considerd as well .Is a shocking experience to look a what was once a fantasy through realistic eyes

First Time


Hello every one or for that matter anyone.Since this is my very first attempt at blogging I'll introduce myself.I'm a 40 year old TS (way pre op).I've known since I was a child of 4 but only tried to figure it all out within the last few years.

I'm into all forms of art and creativity ,outdoor stuff,motorcycles,learning anything new.I'm very diverse in most areas of my life.
As time goes on you can expect to find all sorts of posts on all sorts of subjects.Just what ever is swirrling through my mind at that moment.