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Muddy Waters

Ramblings of a woman on the verge of madness.

Updated: 2018-03-05T16:53:44.859-08:00




This will be hard.. mobile blogging. yes, i am that desperate. i need to release the words that torture my soul. need to have the balance, i can only seem to find in words. is it so wrong to live in a mind that never rests, to live out my deepest desires in ink?

Utah Splendor and excitement


(image) I have some amazing pictures and stories that accompany them to tell you about. But, the greatest thing is the peace and tranquility of this place. It is simply amazing.... So serene, inspiring and most of all, healing.

I was out yesterday, getting pictures of some far off deer, when I spotted something out of the corner of my eye.. hmm, I thought.. this looks interesting. I took a few steps further to find the cutest little black and white creature.. yes, you guessed it.. a skunk...

Well, you know my curiosity... yes, I took a step closer to investigate... Carefully, mind you.. I am not a total idiot.. With camera in hand, making sure his rear never faced me, I took some amazing shots of it, tail fanned out and everything.. It was AMAZING.. Then as quickly as the skunk appeared, I heard THUMP, THUMP, DA DUMP.. Off to my right, a heard of beautiful deer came thundering by me. I was not quick enough to get a focused picture, but trust me the sounds were as powerful as the animals muscles as they bounced up leaping through the air.

Just when I thought that I had seen all the country had to offer, we took a trip to the reservoir the next morning. First, we went to the bridge and walked down into the magnificent canyons that bordered the perfectly green water. I was able to see the trout swimming in the water below and surrounding the rocks. Oh, how I craved to jump into the spectacular magnificence of the water.. However, the law permitted my doing so.
With a sly smile, my cousin suggested we travel to the marina, so that I might dangle my toes. I walked down to the boat ramp, into the water, until it reached my thighs.. Yes, it was very chilly.. Then I followed my companions onto the docks. I can not describe the perfectly, green color of the water or the temptation that arouse inside of me. But, I looked over and got the nod I was waiting for... Fully clothed I ran, jumping to emerge myself into the splendor.

As you can imagine, it took my breath, the briskness of the water was freeing. Yet, the coldness soon faded into sheer excitement...

I am going today to watch the salmon run, I am sure it will be as incredible as the days prior..

I wish, I could share the views that my eyes have witnessed, first hand... Unfortunately, all I may offer is pictures.

~River Girl

Miss you all


I miss you all, terribly!

You probably won'ts see much of me anymore, for I have lost my job and am heading to Utah next week.. I have had some terrible tragedies in my life and will fill you all in soon..

You know who I am talking to .. I MISS YOU!

Inspiration by Manson?


My mind is twisted, fire dancing inside my brain driving me to insanity, the insinuations, temptations, and flirtatious fantasies driving me down, deeper into oblivion. I open my mind; searching deep within for something new, something alive, and something contagious, only find something vile leering back at me.

I toss and turn and can’t sleep at night. Now I know, I must run away, I must get away.. touch me baby taint your love…

Open mouths salivating shaking and tormenting me. white faces and red lips appear to me like dreams, yet I find them soothing, comforting; they sing to me, easing my agitation. Blinged out grills, blacked out eyes, tragically beautiful, like Tommy Lee meets Nelly.

Everybody is looking for something, some of them want to use you, some of them want to get used by you, some of them want to abuse you, some of them want to be abused. Sweet dreams are made of these.. Who am I to disagree?

Fuck Me - IT's Friday....


Now here is a girl after my own heart!

If ever a picture was REALLY worth a thousand words..

I do love naked women in nature..

Happy Friday..

And thanks to all of you who commented on my HNT yesterday!

~HNT~ Blissful Ignorance


Lazily lounging, enjoying the last days of summer as my too pale skins absorbs the deadly UV rays of the sun. However, blissfully ignorant to the dangers, I continue to enjoy the warm and comfort in lounging Half-Nekkid.

(image) *Click for more blissful ignorance*
Now go see Os and find out who else is Half-Nekkid!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!

Villianous Mischief


Wicked, wanton women tempt my being
Shake my core and rattle me to the bone
How I long to find myself at the mercy of a raven beauty
Giving myself to her whims and inclinations
Feeling her hands grasp my long hair
as my nails dig into her soft flesh
hear the obscenities fall from her beautiful lips
As I satisfy her urges.

I am overtaken with villainous mischief

Renewed Hunger


The only brightness comes from dreams, both waking and sleep.. How I long to be swept away in those dreams. I close my eyes and feel foretold promises on my skin, my body springing to life from nothing more than an image in my mind. A long ago dream, held just on the edge of reality.

I do love the alcohol induced cravings that find you selfish and sadistic. It brings my mind alive with fire, thinking of you taking out such wants on my body. Knowing that your selfishness will only fulfill my own wants. I close my eyes and feel the fierceness in your desire, hear the growls as they escape from your beautiful throat, knowing that I am at your mercy and nothing could excite me more.

You have always had a way of getting me twisted and forgetting everything else, even here and now, the rest of the world around me seems non-existent. Nothing more than your fingers tearing into my skin, your teeth clenching down onto my swollen nipples. The thought alone makes me want to scream out...My body begins to thrash, craving your touch, your voice.

Your power over me is evident, with the wetness I find between my legs. Your name drips from my lips, craving your ravenous touch. My body yearns to unleash frustrations that only grow stronger with each passing fantasy.

I now feed from these images, created in my mind. Each day brings a renewed hunger, an Appetite for Destruction. Compelling me to jump on a Nightrain and leave this all behind. Oh yes, I am ready to crash and burn.

Who are you?


The air fell silent as she turned on her heel and disappeared as quickly as she had arrived. I was left there, visibly shaken by her assault on me. My mouth agape with the unanswered question still on my lips.

What had just happened to me, I wondered. Who was this dark hair beauty that had just come into my life and would she return? Was it real or just a dream, I had to reach down and feel the wetness between my legs, for undeniable verification.

With my head still spinning, I tried to compose myself and walk back into the gathering. My legs did not seem to want to co-operate and I am certain that anyone who cast their gaze upon me, knew what had just happened. I could feel my cheeks burn crimson at the thought of this..

I was experiencing conflicting feelings, should I just enjoy the memories of what she has given me, or should I try to seek her out. I have to know this luscious raven gift, who has left me wanton and searching.

Soon, I would have my answers.. sooner than I anticipated.

I saw her, as I walked out the door, sitting in front of the garden, on a concrete slab. "Who are you?" I asked as I approached. She only shook her head, as he held out her hand. "That is not important" she responded as her mouth overtook mine.

Again, she had me spinning.

My mind aglow with the possibilities, my body yearning for a taste. How I craved the implications.

What is your name?


I did not see her, when she walked into the crowd. I did not see her, as she starred at me from across the room. I did however feel the electricity from her touch, as her fingers trailed down my spine. I drank in her scent, as I felt her body draw near, her breath warm as it touched my goose flesh. All of my senses seemed to heighten around her. The energy pulsed through my body, making me shiver.

Who was she? Where had she come from? My eyes never quit searching for her, my mind oblivious to anything other than her. I am captured by nothing more than a transitory touch from a stranger. My body responded to her sensual touch, a chemical reaction. My head felt light, the room seemed to spin and swirl around me. Everything seemed to fade away as the darkness settled around me.

Then she appeared again, never saying a word. She just grabbed my hand and guided me away from the vultures. I was wrapped in a mysterious, magical cocoon of wonderment as she looked into my eyes. Her gaze telling me, what I already knew she wanted from me. My body giving me away, unable to hide my answer, I quit trying. I was hers for the taking and she knew it.

I never knew a woman could be so powerful and hungry. Her fingers dug into my flesh, as she pushed me backwards, covering me with her mouth, with her body. The intoxication was overwhelming and sent me into violent fits that rocked my entire body. Her arms tried to hold down my legs, so that she may continue to work between them, but it was useless as they became rigid from my orgasms.

Lights erupted like fireworks, then came the black splotching out the conscience. Cool kisses softly placed on my brow begin to calm me, bringing me back. Vision still unable to focus, staring through the blur, searching.. Lips forming the question…


~HNT~ Options


I was playing around with photo editing software and ended up with a bunch of different versions. I could not decide which one that I liked the best, so I am coming to you, HNT critics, for your opinion..

And the runners up....



For your efforts, I have included a super-secret treat.. Just not telling you were it is.. Surely, you can find it yourself..

Now go check out Os!

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday!




I sat nervously awaiting my punishment. I knew that it would be bad this time; for I had disregarded all of his direct orders. What was I thinking? Why did I feel it necessary to test him like this? I knew the price I must pay for disobedience, would be severe…

I had been sitting in the cold, empty room since before dark. It had to be at least nine by now; or was it later? Every noise was amplified by the dark. My heartbeat rocked my entire body. God, when would he come?

I considered just walking away, getting up, and never looking back. Nevertheless, I knew this was not an option. This lifestyle, as much as he, were part of my existence. I do not think I could breathe without the satisfaction he gave me, the satisfaction in just being his bitch.

As quickly as the thought entered my mind, the sound of the door opening quickly made me forget that I ever thought about leaving in the first place. I could smell him, immediately. That strong, masculine smell flooded my senses, reminding me of his strength. He never need say a word to identify himself, I already knew, even in the darkness.

The goosebumps were already visible on my skin, even before he ran his smooth fingers down the length of my cheek. The stiffness of his fingers told me that there would be no freebies given tonight. He was angry with me, worse was that he was disappointed… And for the first time, I felt true fear from him. Fear that he would dismiss me from his training.

Abruptly, I was brought back to reality, as he jerked my head upwards so that his face was inches from mine. How I crave his forcefulness. How I crave to be manhandled by him.

His hand coiled backwards, coming down in brute force across my face. My vision flickered, as I sucked my breath in. I did not see that coming, therefore I was unable to prepare. It rocked me to the core. Tears sprang forward and gasps escaped my throat. Again, his hand came down, this time landing on the other side of my face and knocking me backwards in my chair. He never said a word as he picked me up from the floor and began to clean me up. I could only sob, knowing this is what I deserved, what I wanted.

I do this purposely, so he will give me the punishment, I feel I deserve.

Illusion of a Season


(image) Never spoken to a woman like this before, huh?

Honestly, knowing you haven’t spoken to other women like this excites me.. makes me squirm, knowing that I can surely make a lasting impression on you.. knowing that when you close your eyes and reach between your legs, it will be my face you see, my touch you feel, my words that guide you as you slide your fingers into that wet snatch. It will be my instructions that created the ever present wetness that carries you throughout the day. Can’t you just imagine.. my voice whispering in your ear.. feeling my hot breath so close to your skin that it causes you to shiver..

In an effort to create an obvious physical reaction in you, I have created one in myself.. FUCK.. here I go again.. down the rabbit hole, chasing an illusion. Wanting that interaction with another, who dreams like me.. One who is erotic, insatiable, uninhibited, curious, and has no problems with sex and all of the implications that it holds..

Is it so wrong, to find yourself comforted by another illusionist? Another seeking the pleasures derived from images created from black ink and endless imaginations.. Some might think so, but I will never understand..

A feast it will be.. Hungry mouths seeking out pleasure found only in the body of the beautiful figure laying before them.. Ravenous fingers that dig into the flesh of wanting need.. Will you offer yourself up to the beast within? Or will you demand that I be the offering?

For A Moment


I love the feeling of hands closing tightly around my throat.
The sensations that fill my body as strong fingers dig into my flesh.
The dark haze closes around me, filling my vision with blackness.
Fear catches in my throat, freezing the moment.
I am suspended in time, if only for a moment.

I Continue


The sharp edges of the rocks tear into my naked flesh. The wind hisses around my body I continue I am unable to relent. Something is calling me, trying to lure me. I continue I am transfixed Unable to look away I continue I feel the sting of the cold water on my skin Pushing through I continue Slippery dark sandstone beneath my feet now Balance unraveled I continue I pull myself upwards onto the banks Dead crunchy leaves crackle underfoot. I continue The force to strong Deeper I travel Searching[...]

Stripper Reflections


(image) I close my eyes and find myself on stage, under the spotlights again.

Twisting, twirling every eye on my body as I slither around the pole, commanding the attention of any and all how come into my presence. Full of confidence, I fear nothing, free to let all of my insecurities fade into nothing.

My long, thick, blond, hair swirls through the air, as I spin my head. It cascades down my muscular back and settles, coming to rest just at the top of my ass.My hair is much like my legs, long, thick, and never ending… I love the tickling feel it creates, as it grazes across my skin. I love to watch the glitter dance from the light, as it kisses each strand.

The mirrored walls show the reflections of faces behind me, faces marked with admiration, as I turn or twist into some new position, my body moving perfectly with the beat of the music. I am so confident standing there, naked and exposed to the world. They eat from the palm of my hand, all of them. There is nothing, I can not get from them, If I so choose.

The masses line the stage, each hoping to catch my attention with fistfuls of money. I flow effortlessly across the stage, dancing for myself, not them. The music seducing my body into moving for it, beautiful fluid movements. Life pulsing through my veins as I move..

The power is intoxicating. Yet, I choose not to use it.

At that moment, I am on top of the world.

~HNT! Water Girl


I can not think of a better way to get my new blog started than Half Nekkid Thursday!

To be true to my name and title, I have a picture for you that perfectly fits me.

I am outside on a beautiful summer day, letting my rod dangle into the deep, dark waters that I call my favorite honey hole and of course, I am doing it Half Nekkid!

***Click, Click***

Want more?
Check out Os and find out who else is Half Nekkid!
When you finish there, make sure to check out The Other HNT.

Undiscovered Dominance


You know the type, reserved, bashful, simple, and completely vanilla, a man that does not have a dominant bone throughout their entire body. The kind of person who is completely content to go through life with everything unchanged, no variety in anything, including sex.You can look into their eyes and see the simplicity of their life, no flicker, and no fire. This type of man has good qualities; he is loyal, sympathetic, helpful and very easy to please.They are content to go through life without ever feeling the electricity flow through their veins. I, however, am not that kind of person I am the exact opposite. When I first met and married this type, I had not learned of the darkness, I possess inside. Or I had not yet accepted it. Therefore, I naively thought this would sustain me for the rest of my days. Once again, I was wrong……. Or was I?----It was to my surprise, when the first slap of the paddle connected with my unsuspecting ass. I jerked upright, in complete surprise before I realized what was happening. This was supposed to be an innocent back rub. When had it occurred to him that my naked ass might be in need of some fire? *SMACK…SMACK, SMACK…” The sounds echoed in my head. I was completely confused by what was happening. Was I dreaming? If so, I did not want to wake and ruin this pleasure. The first slaps of his paddle came without warning, landing perfectly on the bottom side of my ass, my favorite place in that region of my body. “You like that, don’t you slut?” He asked me, as I grunted out something that sounded like a yes, Sir.. ” Move that ass, let me see it dance” cried my tormentor, who most certainly could not be my husband, and without thought or will, I obeyed, overcome by the force of the command. The paddle slapping first the left and then the right side of my ass. I was lost as I had never been lost. My only thoughts were of my burning welts and swelling flesh. I had no time to question what had brought this on, what had made the change in happen. The smacks were still thundering down upon me, now with more violence. Nothing had ever drenched my soul so; nothing had ever seared me and emptied me as this was doing. There were fresh tears welling up in my eyes, my own frantic breath and sobs filled my ears. I could not believe what was happening, how long had I begged him? And now, out of the blue, without any warning, he was giving me everything I had asked for.. Would he make me regret it? That remained to be seen! “Slut, why is your face tear streaked? This is what YOU asked for, this is what YOU deserve, wanton little fuck slut” The sound of his voice sounded foreign to me. I was amazed, never had he spoken this to me quite this way, quite this coldly and simply. Yet it seemed to have behind it some practicality that almost made me smile. I had never known him to be a sadist yet, the hard rod of his cock told me otherwise. “Kneel up” he commanded me as he grabbed a hold of my hair; he wrapped it in a circle around his hand. I obeyed without a moments hesitation. Right before me, within inches of my mouth, was his throbbing cock…so hard, so beautiful. He pushed it closer to me and I did not have to wait for his command, I knew what he wanted. Slowly, I began with his balls, licking them. Starting underneath and slowly lapping my tongue upwards toward the base of his cock, one then the other before sucking them into my mouth and rolling them around, trying to savor the moment. With his hands still wrapped in my hair he began pulling my head upwards, so that I may draw his long rod into my mouth. Slowly, I be[...]

Raging Waters


I stand before the water; no second thoughts enter my brain before I dive in. I have done this a million times…

The coolness of the water pulls my breath from my chest in an instant, I emerge from the depths gasping for air. I underestimated the swiftness of the current and I was being dragged downriver. I fight against the current in vain, struggling, fighting to maintain some sort of control against the water.

Don’t panic…. Don’t panic….. Don’t panic… Keep your head, you know what to do.

Finally, I relax into the flow of the rushing water; I let my body float trying to hold my head above the depths of death. I lean my head backwards, water occasionally filling my nostrils. I closed my eyes, suddenly the fear washed from me. I was filled with a tranquility of sorts, a sudden sense of knowing.

It would be so easy to give into the water and let it take me, but I have to fight. I will not give up; I will not give into it. I feel the water's current pull me back down, submerging me. My mind screams, my body fights…

Don’t Panic! Don’t Panic

I am being pushed back to the surface, I open my eyes as I gasp for air and see a velvety purple horizon giving me strength to continue, strength to not give up.


This is inspired by actual events in my life and I have come to realize, that just because I am not drowning in water, I am drowning in life and I can use this experience to guide me. I can fight against life's obstacles in much the same way as the water.

All I must do is hold my head high and fight!



I am posting from my new touch phone. Pretty cool, technology today. I am hoping that i can get back into my writing groove. I miss it so.

Holding on


I have been yearning to write, needing the outlet it provides me, yet unable for fear of being picked apart. I am not in a good place right now, my world is crashing down around me and it is all of my own doing. I am trapped in a toxic marriage, on the verge of losing my job, and have lost all faith in myself and question my own judgment.

It is hard for me to admit to myself, much less anyone else about what is going on with me. I do not know how to communicate the problems, I am experiencing. I do not feel that they should be affecting me so negatively or that I should not be able to get a handle on myself. Therefore, I don't feel that anyone else could possible understand them either.

It is very hard for me to tell anyone that most of my waking thoughts are about dying. About how I constantly think about it. I am not saying that I want to die, because I don't.. It is just that I can't seem to quit thinking about death and hoping that a lightning bolt will strike me.

I constantly feel sick, lethargic, and I don't want to face the world. There are so many things, that I have tried to hide about the problems in my life, because they are my problems and I should be able to control my emotions, but it seems that life is getting the best of me.

My doctor keeps trying to hospitalize me, until I am stable he says.. But, I refuse, yet twice I have ended up on lockdown, in the hospital, because I flipped. I am unable to control myself or my thoughts, leading me to physically hurt people (or try) So the only alternative is to try and stabilize me on an outpatient basis.. Which is a touch and go situation.

Honestly, I don't know who I am any more. Everything seems fuzzy and distant and all I can think is death would be better than living a life like this..

Here once again


Here I am, once again..

Looking for an outlet, searching for a spot, something of my own, without limits or borders. What a beautiful thought, having a place that is undisturbed by the intrusions of others. A place to call home, to relax, share, hope, dream, pray, live and love.

I am not quite sure what direction this blog will take on. I would love to think that I will be free to explore the darkest corners of my mind, but as I am sure, life will get in my way and instead it will turn into a rant, release, search.. This blog will be like with me, you never know what you may get...

I am no stranger to you all, I have laughed, cried, and respected most of you. But, due to circumstances outside my control, I am forced to reinvent myself.