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Preview: Monkey Daemon

Monkey Daemon

Updated: 2018-03-02T15:41:04.949+00:00


This blog has moved....


Please follow me at Posterous:

If you're a fan of the Monkey Daemon podcast, it is now located here (link launches iTunes).

Lego Han and Leia are Thug$ for Life


The iPod of Dorian Gray



Apple's iPods keep getting skinnier....and so does Steve Jobs.

New Year's in Paris



Thanks to possibly the best and most generous Christmas present ever, Kelly and I spent six days in Paris with her sister and brother-in-law.

A few highlights in a trip full of them...

Cops on Rollerblades


The world's best pastry shop -- Pierre Herme -- with a standout macaroon of grapefruit and wasabi (!)


Another pastry shop with a Dremel drill made of chocolate!


An incredible truffle-laden dinner at Michel Rostang. The waiter walked around with a wooden case full of white truffles, opening them up for a tantalizing whiff of the contents. I'm pretty sure this is what's was in suitcase in Pulp Fiction.

The most memorable dishes:
  • An amuse bouche with a minature cast iron skillet filled with shephard's pie, accompanied by white truffle soup with foie gras and curry.
  • Artichoke soup, with an artichoke heart stuffed with foie gras and a heavy layer of shaved white truffles
  • A salted caramel souffle to finish




When out shopping, when you're tired and hungry and a little bit doped up on pain pills, there are several important things to remember. FIrst among these: Be very careful about buying dog treats and beef jerky that have similar packaging.

I was running errands a few blocks from my house in Brooklyn. It was sleeting and snowing hard as I crossed Flatbush Ave.

First stop: health food & grocery store. Shopping list: baby spinach. Impulse buy: beef jerky.

The "All Natural Applewood Smoked Beef Jerky" looked wholesome and ecofriendly, like the beef jerky that hippies would buy. I hadn't eaten anything but an energy bar since breakfast. I was also on a cocktail of prescription drugs for a bad back, which made me spacey and hilariously clumsy.

Second stop: pet store. Shopping list: dog food. Impulse buy: dog treats.

The pet store smelled like an unclean gerbil's cage, and was not very well-run. The dog food ("Dick Van Patten's Natural Balance Original Ultra" -- yes, the dad on "Eight is Enough") was missing a price tag, and the cashier had to call her boss at home to figure out how to enter it into the register. While I waited I admired the miniature puppies scrapping in the window display. They were dirty and the size of hamsters. I bought the dog treats ("New Zealand All Natural Real Meat Chicken and Venison Jerky Treats") out of boredom.

I trudged home in the ice and snow, dumped my bags on the table, and flopped facedown on the hardwood floor with some pillows. My back was aching. I had the presence of mind to grab the jerky on my way down. I was getting a little light-headed, and some dehydrated cow with extra liquid smoke sounded like just the ticket.

It was nice on the floor. My back stopped hurting. My dog Reny was all over me, licking my face and trying to get at the jerky. I was at her level and could not easily escape.

"She thinks you're eating one of her treats," my wife said.

I cautiously chewed at a piece of jerky, which had a processed taste with a weird richness, like Combos. It tasted great. But somewhere in the back of my mind, alarm bells were ringing. I glanced down absently at the bag. Time seemed to slow down. "New Zealand All Natural...." Sounds okay. "...Real Meat..." Hmmm, that's weird. "...Chicken and Venison Jerky Treats." Time briefly stopped. A realization: I am eating dog food.

I looked over at my wife. She was doubled over in laughter. I quickly adjusted to the fact that this was going to be a story that she would bring up at embarrassing moments with strangers and loved ones alike, and possibly blog about for the amusement of the entire Internet. Twenty years from now when someone Googles me, "My Husband Ate Dog Food" will be the first result.

I sighed and opened the "real" beef jerky. It was terrible. It was as hard and dry as jerky found at an archeological dig, an extinct animal cured by the Aztecs or Olmecs or something. As I chewed it splintered into ropey shards in my mouth, leaving a faint, generic meaty taste.

Reny was still inches away on the floor, gazing at me with her eyes full of want. My belly growled.

I tossed her a clod of beef jerky and reached for the dog treats.

Slumdog + M.I.A. = Paper Planes Remix


I haven't been posting much -- seems I've moved over to Twitter/Facebook for most things. Might have to give this whole blogging thing a rethink in the new year.

But, in the meantime, allow me to share with you a hot remix of everyone's favorite Summer '07 jam, M.I.A.'s "Paper Planes," remixed for the movie "Slumdog Millionaire," which I can't wait to see.

Watch the video below, or download the song here.

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Get Your War On: New World Order


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Get the latest news satire and funny videos at

"There's gonna be a new flag -- a white flag with a picture of a burning American flag on it."

John Williams is the man


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MTV -- just like it used to be


Not quite sure how this happened, but MTV has a new site that lets you watch music videos. Lots of them. For free. And that's it.

First Hulu and now this -- are media companies finally figuring out the Internets?





Yay Reny!


IMG_0225, originally uploaded by scottcampbell5000.

30 Rock is back, early


Sarah Palin gueststars....oh wait, it's just Tina Fey.


30 Rock is available online a week before it airs on old-timey TV.

"Don't even think about talking to her while her soaps are on. Seriously, she will bite you." (I can relate)

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Spot the candidate


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Beware the one-upper


JDizzle has a horrifying, hilarious depiction of a business trip with a nightmarish colleague -- sort of like David Brent without the charm -- on her blog Hometown Hangover.

It includes 22 fun facts about said colleague, "Barry," including fun facts that he overshared with the group:
  • 15. Barry once auditioned naked for a production of Hair in London. He got the part but decided that he didn't want to take it. He just wanted to see if he could do it.
  • 16. He knew a lesbian rocker who owned her own coffee shop or something (I lost interest on this one)
  • 17. Barry is allergic to cats and goats.
  • 18. Barry knew the guy who invented the pet rock.
  • 19. Barry once had a waterbed with 10 cylinders. Whatever that means. I didn't pursue this one either.
  • 20. Barry once vacationed at a Club Med in the Bahamas that was also a nudist beach.
  • 21. Barry once road the Marrakesh Express with a guy who had a briefcase filled with hashish.
(image) You'll have to click over to her blog for #22 -- it's just too good. But suffice it to say that it involves Johnny Mathis and the syphilis.

The Arcade Fire Incident


My friend Will's had an eventful few days involving a night out, a break-in, a fist fight and the beloved indie band Arcade Fire.

In today's installment, a heart-felt apology and a possible way out of leaf-raking duty.

Go check it out at his excellent blog The Reluctant Grown-up.

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Laid Off By Lehman: One Broker's Story


On economizing: "Today actually I gave myself a my first rub-and-tug. Didn't save a lot of money."

On what he misses most: "Paying bums to blow each other -- that never got old."

On career options: "I can always get a job at Starbucks and scrape by on a couple hundred grand a year."

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Pug Bowling


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Reny's so suspicious


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Day at the Beach


As the weather grows cold, here's a nice reminder of summer.

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Beached from Keith Loutit on Vimeo.

Take on Me. Literally


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Banksy on the credit crisis


damn rats, originally uploaded by jakedobkin.

You've been hit by, you've been struck by, a smooth patent filing



Michael Jackson patented the "anti-gravity illusion" used in his "Smooth Criminal" video. Who knew?

A system for allowing a shoe wearer to lean forwardly beyond his center of gravity by virtue of wearing a specially designed pair of shoes which will engage with a hitch member movably projectable through a stage surface.


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Skateboarding REALLY FAST


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Adam Kimmel presents: Claremont HD from adam kimmel on Vimeo

I've been a bit busy....


The last two weeks I've been in Denver and St. Paul, covering the Democratic and Republican conventions. I've been working on this. And here's a taste of life at the conventions from my Twitter feed:


Music in Words


There's a new web gadget called Wordle -- enter in text, or a website, and it makes purty word pictures. Here's a few songs: Can you guess what they are?