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Preview: Not endorsed by Health Canada (cause I can't back that up)

Not endorsed by Health Canada (cause I can't back that up)

Updated: 2018-03-05T22:17:39.113-08:00




A month ago I was broken up the man I thought I was going to marry! It wasn't long after the breakup happened that communication ceased altogether. My birthday actually, was the last time I had gotten a message from him. I messaged him twice after that and got no response. The reason for the breakup was two fold...he needed to be single (I was the first person he'd ever dated....and had only just started coming out when I met him)...and there was some infidelity. Under the circumstances, I should be pissed...I should hate him...I should have taken his photos off the wall and should be moving on...but I can' brain knows that I need to and that I heart won't let me. I think of the past two years...the trips...the laughs...every weekend spent together. My brain is trying to make me a normal person and not check up on him...and message...and ask about heart doesn't work like that. My heart wants me to message him and ask him a million questions...and ask how his day was...and to facetime him...just like we used to. My mind knows I heart doesn't get it. He told me he wanted to live with me so bad...I wanted it too...I actually started looking at how I could emigrate to the US to be with him. I knew he wasn't ready to get married or have kids...but I thought that in time he would be...I had planned our two year anniversary...months in advance because I wanted it to be just perfect! The night before he broke up with me he booked us in at a resort in Palm Springs. The next day I told him he should probably cancel. I was used to talking to him every single day...and facetiming almost every night...and now nothing. We're strangers...and I feel like I'm being punished...for doing nothing...except loving him. Sure, we both admitted to having communication issues...his family didn't and I was slapped around for speaking I learned to keep my mouth shut...but I thought that we would work through it...that we would figure it out...he thought I didn't think he could do anything right...I was hurt because I would come down and see him and would never meet any of the friends he was making during the weeks when I was in Canada. He didn't like that my exs showed up out of nowhere and I didn't like that he'd tell me he'd try and then wouldn't...we would have to ask over and over again to tell the other what was wrong...he didn't feel like he could talk to me...and I didn't want him to leave me if I talked to him. Reading this now as I type it, I see we had some pretty sizeable issues...but I feel so strongly about him and us that I thought we could make anything work...I just want him to succeed and I know he's smart...and I know he can do anything he puts his mind to...and I wanted to be there to help him...I haven't heard from him since July 18. I miss him and I love him, to the moon and back! Against what everyone has told me, if Jon asked me and meant it and worked at it and wanted it...really wanted it, I would take him back...and I would work at it too...I know I'm not without fault...I know I have baggage...I'm the first to admit that...every relationship takes work...Jon...I'm right here...waiting for you...

True Story!


Ever since I was 13...


Ever since I was 13 I've wanted to be a pilot. Preferably commercial but I have just wanted to fly's why...When I was 13 I flew to Toronto. It was my first trip out of Saskatchewan and it was my first flight. You can imagine how excited I was to be sitting in a plane...eating plane food...looking out the window, miles above the clouds...nothing could ever top this experience and up to that point nothing had come close to matching how exciting it was! UNTIL, half way through the flight one of the flight attendants asked if I would like to come to the flight deck to have a look around. I said yes! There were three of us on the flight and when we entered the flight deck my jaw hit the was all switches and windows and knobs and levers...the sun was bright, the clouds were brighter and up to THIS point nothing had come close to matching how exciting this was! I asked a few questions and after what seemed like just seconds the captain asked us to go back to our seats! I sat down and gushed to everyone sitting around me how amazing it was!! I ate my in flight meal, and just kept reeling about what just happened to me! As we began our decent into Toronto the same flight attendant approached me and leaned in and said the captain was impressed with me and asked if I would like to sit in the flight deck for the landing. OF COURSE!!!! THey sit me down in the jump seat, strap me in, show me the Jeppesen IFR charts and we start coming in to Toronto. Because of a strong headwind we needed to go out over Lake Ontario and come in from the opposite direction. The captain and co pilot point out the CN Tower and the Skydome...everything is moving underneath us so fast...and as soon as I realized it, we were on the ground and taxiing off the runway. The one thing that resonated with me was the moment the captain turned around in his seat and said "Can you believe I get paid to do this?" I was hooked! From that day to this I have wanted to realize a dream...of becoming a pilot...Shortly after getting back from Toronto I joined Air Cadets...702 Lynx Squadron in Saskatoon. Went gliding...did Basic Training in Winnipeg...learned drill and deportment and morsecode and the phonetic alphabet...and when I couldn't fly gliders I thought my dream was over and I didn't reenroll in Cadets in the fall...this was the start of trend for 2003 I registered for Flight Training in Edmonton at Mount Royal College. I moved away from home and 2 weeks before classes were to start I dropped out...I got scared and turned my back again! I thought I'd never be able to do it, it's too expensive, what about the unknowns...and while I forgot about it that dream wasn't entirely gone. I regretted that choice from that day on.I've considered the Canadian Air Force a number of times, but once again, the unknowns were enough to scare me out of trying for it, until last night!A few months ago I started thinking about it again. I've been unsatisfied with my job, my life, and the fact that I've let my dream fall to the wayside. A new friend of mine, a naval officer with the Canadian Navy and I were talking and I told him this story...and he didn't say I asked, what's on your mind...and he said that right now the RCAF is hiring for pilots and that I should enlist. At first I was scared. PETRIFIED! TO get there I'd have to go through months of basic training, months of flight training, do things that scare the shit outta me but when I weighed out the pros and cons I couldn't think of any cons...there was NO reason big enough as to why I shouldn't do this!I need to grow. I need to be challenged. I need to focus on ME. I can't do that doing what I'm doing now and living how I'm living. The Canadian Forces involve self sacrifice. Duty comes before all else. But, at the end of the day I'm doing something I fought for and am proud of! Isn't that reason enough to go for it!I've submitted to the UofS to get my uni transcript, I've completed all the[...]

Crying Teddy Bear


Breaking up with someone I think is the hardest thing a person ever has to do..well, I say that considering I don't think I've ever felt anything harder or that hurts more than what I'm feeling right now...

I wonder if others think that the person breaking up hurts as much or the same as the one who's heart was broken?

I look at things that remind me of him and will start to cry...or hear a song that he sent me when we started dating...or smell his cologne...or flip through pics of him on my phone...and go through the breakup all over again!

At first I hurt and I ached because I knew I broke his heart and it broke my heart to see him hurt...but as days go on the hurt and ache has changed...I miss him...I miss him so much it hurts...

I really need to drink more water! I should really be dehydrated with all the water loss.

Weight Loss and Self Esteem


It's weird...I started dieting and exercising in August of 2010 with my partner Mike. To date I've lost 61 pounds...the most weight I lost was close to 85 but I've put a few back on...stress makes eating healthy a challenge! I digress!I have always been a...well, lets face it...a fat man...and I know so many people say that using the word fat is the same as using any other's hurtful and unnecessary...but that's the word I think best describes what I was. I wasn't fluffy or big boned or husky...I was fat!What I find interesting is that my brain hasn't been able to let go of that word...I've lost 61 pounds and I've gone from wearing a size 48 pants to 34/36 and I still look at myself in the mirror and I still see the fat man that I used to be...everyday I wake up and I think I've gained weight and that if I go for dinner or eat out or have a drnk that tomorrow I'm going to wake up and be the 274 pound man I used to be...

I know this isn't possible and I know that it would take ALOT of nights of eating out and drinking that would make me gain that weight back...but it's amazing how the brain works!

Will I always look at myself and see the fat man?

A Year in Pictures






Susan Abandoned Me - 5 more sleeps until she's back in the office


Everyone is in Ontario for that CRE times for's amazing how much work you get done when there's no one in the office to interrupt you!

COME BACK!!! I miss you interrupting me!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day...I lost count


WOW...a lot has happened since...what, day 14...let me give you the shake down...

-I found out today through DP that some myAdvantage Savings team is going away and that the likes of DP and me are going to be fielding advisor calls...I'm not even really sure what exactly that means...but apparently my workload is going to be increasing...and I found out from an email...
-Mike spent the day in the hospital...turns out he was trying to pass a 5mm kidney stone...remember when I told you Mike had an attack in San Francisco and we thought it was his gall bladder...turns out it was the kidney stone tonight I went to get his meds and after about an hour he was all doped out and all he could say was that he wanted gravy...I need to tuck this boy into bed...
-You come home in a week...and I'm excited...or owe me have some high needs clients!

Love you need you miss you (in an HR safe appropriate way only)

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 14


I had a chuckle yesterday...CT was supposed to be at EA for their fall pension committee meeting...and I'm sure she had told me weeks before that the meeting was at yesterday it's almost 1 and I ask her, ummm...why are you still here? So she says that the meting is at 2 and that she had to LEAVE at 1....but now that I've freaked her out she needs to check her calendar...and sure enough, it's 10 after 1 and she was supposed to be there at she freaks out...I don't think I've ever seen her so spastic...I call EA and get voicemail (because the woman she's meeting with is in all day meetings) and let her know that CT is well on her way but was caught in traffic (the gays are excellent truth stretchers)...she calls me after the meeting and says they didn't even really look at the report that I took a week to put together...EXCELLENT!

How are you? Have you gotten dissentery yet?

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 10


It's toque and mittens weather today!

You're probably sweating your face off!

Hate you!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 9


I'm getting bored doing this and there's still 24 thousand hundred days before you get back...

The Michael Jackson Cirque show was ok...we would have been pissed if we had paid $140 but the tickets were free so it was FAB! It was a hockey game, everyone had hotdogs and wine...the dancers were was an intimate show in an arena...*shrug*

How about now? You back yet?

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 8


Half way through my second weekend without S Danzer...but I'm busy...shaving my beard off (which I took a pic of so you didn't feel like you missed out)...and tonight Mike and I have tickets to the Michael Jackson Cirque show...

It's hard to believe that I still have a million days left before you get back!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 7


It's Friday and almost 1 full week since Susan left me!

Yesterday was ok...I'm starting to forget that Susan ever worked in the's almost like she was never hired..

I'm almost done the Finning report (that's not true...I've been working on CT's reports, some of which I have to re rerun because the reporting people neglected to tell CT that the people reflected in those reports also include terminated people *sigh*)

At 1pm yesterday I came home to work from here in the afternoon...only to realise I left my VPN at work...I wonder if I did that on purpose?!

It's funny...I'll sit with my earphones in in the hopes that everyone will leave me alone...but by 8:26 DP came and sat down beside me shattering my concentration only to tell me that she was just saying good morning before locking herself in her office...and the CT had to come over and express some form of disgust for something...I had already tuned out...

So instead of working I shaved my head and face and cleaned the apartment...

Are you home yet?

As a quick aside...coming down the elevator at home it stopped...I almost soiled my pants but mike was the hero of the day...remember to ask me about it...below is the picture of the look on my face as it was happening...

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 6



Susan Abandoned Me - Day 4


DP back from Cuba and within an hour has thrown me under the bus...

Your office door remained closed...I was hoping maybe you didn't actually go on your trip...but by 4:30pm I realized you weren't coming in...

I found out from Calgary that the card I got Reema was inappropriate so Calgary refused to sign it...they're getting their own card...I'm still sending ours...

Are you home yet??

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 3


It's Monday...first official day of Susan's abandonment! I have a sore tummy...I'd like to think its because I miss S Danzer...but I think I ate too much Halloween candy!

A quick run down...screaming children...because it was bring your offspring to work day *sigh* there are not enough chopsticks in the world!!

This morning was a "Munch and Learn" and I got muffins, scones and water...guess who was the one to complain that Waterloo always sends fattening foods...FYI...I got them and if you don't like them DON'T EAT THEM!!

I hate Monday! COME HOME S DANZER!! I mean, hope you're having fun!

Susan Abandoned Me - Day 1


It's 8am and the first day of Susan's abandonment...I'm not sure how I feel...I mean, it is the weekend and I don't usually see Susan on the I think today's gonna be fine...2 more sleeps and it's Monday...I'm dreading it!

It's a MAC world!


I've made the crossover and got a MAC! There's NO looking back! It's weird...when I got my iPhone I wondered how I ever lived without it and now that I have this MacBook...once again, I'm wondering how I ever managed life without one! What has technology done to me?!

Caught with my pants down


(image) OK, Picture it: Miami, 2010, nighttime, scorching hot outside, yet even more so inside the raging house party we’re attending. Music is loud, and drinks are everywhere. I tell you that I’ll be right back and go use the restroom. I come back out, and you’re gone. I search frantically, and then…a scream. Someone has just discovered your pantsless, bloodied corpse in the corner on the lanai. A few minutes later the police are on the scene. Lights are flashing, people are everywhere. Then, Horatio Cane walks in and surveys the crime scene making mental notes. He walks up to your pantsless corpse, looks back at his team, slowly takes his sunglasses off (even though its nighttime), and says “talk about being caught with your pants down” and then the opening credits roll.

July 3 - Remember that time it smelled like horse shit and our feet stuck to the ground?? or Where is Sex and the City?



Up and dressed for Target in the Bronx...

Made it to the Bronx and back in one piece...we have some shirts...some cheap American pharma...drugs...made it back to the hotel (I effing love the NY subway) and headed back out to go to the central park zoo...on the way we walked right into a street market...every cheap made in China thing you could want you could get here...we stopped at drinks...checked in for our flights and we're about to press on to the park...

By the time we got to the zoo we saw that there was a line up and by the time we would have gotten in we would have had to turn back to the hotel so we walked around the park a bit...headed back...walked through the street market...Mike got a couple of pairs of sunglasses...I got a man satchel...we had meat on a stick...a couple of bags of sweet nuts and got back to the hotel and ready for dinner...

Tonight is Ninja!

Back from Ninja...and OMG...5 course meal...private magic show...wicked restaurant modeled after a ninja training camp/fortress...the service was amazing...the food was amazingly delicious...definitely 5 star!! The staff tries to scare have your own personal ninja server...and the magic show...the kid was hilarious...he did this thing with two rubber bands where he locked them together and then separated them and another trick where he took a deck of cards and had Mike draw on one of them to make it obviously different...and the end of the trick the card was in his fricken wallet...I almost flipped the was EFFIN AWESOME!!!

July 2 - F**K YOU Lady...that's what stairs are for ("Schadenfreude" - Avenue Q)




Showered and ready to head we've got 30Rock...Empire State Building, Ground Zero, the Statue of Liberty and tonight is Avenue Q

On the train to ground zero...we've seen 30Rock and the empire state building...we decided tomorrow after the Bronx we'd head back and ride to the top of 30Rock...another couple of hours and we'll be at the base of Lady Liberty!!

On the ferry back from Liberty really is quite amazing being where millions of people left their countries, their homes, and in a lot of cases, their loved ones...back to New York for roasted nuts and diet coke!! Which were FUCKING DELICIOUS!!

Back from Liberty Island...made a stop on Canal Street for souvenirs (thanks for the tip, Britt)'s funny, the only time I've been checking my pockets non stop to make sure I hadn't been pick pocketed was on Canal Street...we got a few back on the train and we're at the Hard Rock Cafe for dinner...we even got souvenir glasses (Mike is gayer than me...he got a mixed berry margarita...I had beer...and then he called me a bitch...I rest my case)!!

OMG...Avenue Q in a couple of hours...we had just enough time to shower...iron our clothes...and walk to the theatre...

Seated in the theatre...and HOLY SHIT...I'm grinning ear to ear...a broadway musical looks amazing...there's a cocktail waitress to take drink orders (cause you were allowed to drink in the theatre)...and a short skinny gay guy who was sassing everyone while he sold peanuts and water and snacks basically...

The musical started...if you know nothing about's the story of Princeton...a puppet who's fresh out of college...venturing out on his own in a suburb of New York...the only place he can afford is on Avenue Q...there we meet Brian and Kate Monster and Christmas Eve and Gary's a story of life...of amazing!! Once you let yourself NOT pay attention to the actors manipulating the puppets it's VERY cool!!

Avenue Q is all done...and we're headed back to the hotel...tonight is the night I have my Times Square panic attack! We duck into a Fossil...look around a bit...come out...get a picture where 7th avenue meets broadway...get to W43rd and decide to stop in at the cafe on the corner of 8th and 43rd...and I have a melt down...Mike saves me...I go back to the hotel room...he grabs food...we veg in front of the TV for a bit...and it's time for bed!!!

Overall an amazing day in New York City!!

July 1 - I smell skunk or No...these are NOT your carts!!


5amUp and at em...showered and on our way to the aeroporto...flight leaves at 8:05amWe hope the sedan is waiting for us in NEW FUCKING YORK!!!6:36amIn line to go through customs...behinds the biggest booty ever (for a white chick)Live episode of Toddlers and Tiaras...hey...isn't that Jon Benet's too early to laugh at that shit!!7:07amMuffins at Timmy's7:43amAmerican Airlines has oversold our flight...$500 travel vouchers to the first 3 lucky people who volunteer to give up their seats!!! HELLZ NO!!! I will cut a bitch if we don't get on this plane!!!7:53amWe're on the plane...YEAH WE ARE!!! If this plane was a would be a Lada!!!One of our flight attendants is...shall we say...wash and wear...Mike and I are having a her hair just wet or is it greasy?!9:23amBeverage service...ONLY!! 9:40amWhat is it about flying that makes half the passengers on this plane wanna take a shit? Rhetorical question!!12:18pmAmerican Airlines...something special in the ass...Oprah does NOT fly this airline...her guests might though...12:43pmFed and watered...waiting for the flight to New the few minutes we've been here...I don't appreciate the airport staff...but the toasted bagel I got was FUCKING DELICIOUS!!Mike found a loophole in the Boingo hotspot...I lucked out and was able to post to facebooks...he unfortunately could not...1:37pmPicture it...Chicago...2010...the flight attendant has prepped her trollies for the flight and hears a knock at the galley's catering saying she has the wrong carts and to give them back...she says no and follows the catering guy into the truck...starts yelling...punches the guy...grabs the cart back...slams the door shut and hollers up to the front to "Start the car!!!" didn't get to that...but it was darn close...yes...something special in the air indeed!!1:49pmWe've decided that American Airlines slogan is defiantly NOT "We have snacks!" but if you're an unaccompanied minor it is...6:36pmSince landing we've almost been arrested...checked in...and taken the subway to gay New York (Christopher Street) some pictures and now we're at Five Guys Burgers and Fries...28 bucks for 2 burgers, 2 drinks and fries...WOW!!The subway was Vancouver only not really at all...we managed to get metro cards and got on the right train...made it to gay town and ate...we is big boys...I'm sure you're dying to know about almost being arrested...So, the sedan picks us up at La Guardia and we start driving into the city and I'm the back seat taking pictures...we were about to head through a toll booth to go into the know...the tunnel...and I saw army guys with rifles so I took a picture...not even a second went by and an NYPD officer blows a whistle and gets our driver to pull over. The cop gets the driver to roll the rear seat down and the cop tells me he wants to see my camera and to show him the pictures I've taken. He made me delete them, told me that he could detain me for 7 hours and interrogate me, confiscate my camera, and told me that pictures were not allowed of army personelle, federal buildings and some other stuff...then he gave the driver shot for not telling me that I wasn't allowed to take pictures. What was funny was the driver thought we were pulled over because he wasn't wearing his seatbelt *chuckle*To end the night we had beer at Ty's, were checked out, hung out for a minute in Times Square and headed back to the hotel...9[...]

Soundtrack to my life


If your life was a movie, what would the soundtrack be?

So, here's how it works:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool (Not gonna lie... I was tempted to change a few. but then that took the fun out of it and I would have failed at this soundtrack to your life game... hahaha)

Opening Credits: Elevator Love Letter - Stars
Waking Up: International Bright Young Thing - Jesus Jones
First Day At School: Set the Fire - Snow Patrol
Falling In Love: Burial - Mike Snow
Fight Song: Sugar 1 - Yahel (Ferry Corsten Remix)
Breaking Up: Superman Song - Crash Test Dummies
Prom: Old Pop In An Oak - Rednex
Life: Lift the Wings - Riverdance
Mental breakdown: Fear - Sarah McLachlan
Driving: There's a Fine Fine Line - Avenue Q
Flashback: Long Night - The Corrs
Getting back together: So Many Men So Little Time - Miguel Brown
Love Scene: Devil Nights - Electric Six
Wedding: Lover, You Should Have Come Over - Jamie Cullum
Birth of Child: Parasol - Tori Amos
Final Battle: The Hand That Feeds - Nine Inch Nails
Death Scene: Fly Me To the Moon - Frank Sinatra
Funeral Song: One By One - Wilco
End Credits: I Wanna Borrow That Top - Kelly

...and the plot thickens...


I took the car back to HTV...Trong looked at it...VERY promising!

NEW OEM bumper...$380
NEW OEM bumper absorber...(not quite sure...didn't think it'd be much more than $100 - I find out on Saturday if he can't fix and has to replace)
Installation...(quoted me $75 (I'm assuming that's for an hours worth of work))

=HAPPY CUSTOMER (less than $600)

EAT SHIT Maaco and Boyd Autobody!!

Oh, and my aux cooling fan relay failed again - a month past warranty...of course...

BUT it all costs less (bumper repair AND relay) than what ICBC estimated (and what I had budgeted)

SWEET 8 pound 4 ounce baby Jesus!!