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Feeling Kinda Blog Today

Updated: 2014-03-19T03:46:05.978-05:00


Thank You and Goodnight


(image) Ok, it's June 15. This will be the last post of Feeling Kinda Blog Today. I'm going to keep it online until I get it all transferred to my computer, so you will notice the blog slowly dissapearing backwards, it already sort of has.
(image) Anyway, this has been a riot. I started this blog three jobs and four apartments ago. It's been nice to have a place to dump all my random thoughts and observations, to keep my friends updated on what's going on, to have strangers yell at me. I originally started this blog so that my newly found birth family could get some insight into who I am (a crazy person), but it quickly became more about having a place to write everyday and staying connected with all sorts of people.
(image) I'll miss blogging but I think it's important to live a little more offline now that I'm pushing 23...(shhh, let me have my moment). I'm still hooked on Facebook if you want to keep up with me there.

Thank you, everyone!

(Oh my God, I'm being so "Evita" about this, I should be posting from a balcony somewhere.)
(image) But seriously, thank you.

So long.

It's been great.

I will miss you.
(image) You take care now.


I don't know how to end this, maybe it would be better if I ended with a beginning? Here we go:

So, I saw the craziest thing on the bus the other day...



This is what happens when two theatre people try to figure what to have for, these instant messages were sent while sitting in cubicles right next to each other. Also, I just recently learned how to change people's names on gchat so that is why Daren is Daren-Ray. Today there was a French woman in a meeting in one of the offices next door, we used her as inspiration.Daren-Ray: wha ezver dooo uze mean? me: le pockete Daren-Ray: no le jimmie Johnz me: Le jimmie Jeanle jimmie jean val jean Daren-Ray: 24601!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! me: I'd like to order the number 24601 combo...with a pickle Daren-Ray: its only a loaf of bread me: and a candlestick Daren-Ray: with a dead whore me: on the sideand a dirty orphan Daren-Ray: the little girl is extra me: ok, so it's a loaf of french bread, a candlestick, a dead whore, a pickle, a cookie and a dirty itit's the pickle and the whore that make it a bargain Daren-Ray: true me: "The pickle and the whore" by Brooke Allen Daren-Ray: when can I stage it? me: it's easy to stage a dead whorenot so much a pickle though, they are divas"It's Easy To Stage A Dead Whore" The Daren Leonard Story Daren-Ray: Love itSigh, sometimes it takes us a very long time before we actually eat.[...]

People Watching


I'm at the Starbucks on Belmont and Clark with my friend Fifi. She's working, I'm people watching. I was bored after eating cookies and watching "Extreme Home Makeover" tonight so I hopped on the Clark bus and met her here. Mostly I've been playing on Facebook and people watching. I love this corner. Here are the people I have seen so far:


2  Gays argiung abuot where to go next weekend. "Milwaukee! C'mon, it will be fun!" "But I HATE Wisconsin!"

1 Ex boyfriend on a rickshaw. Asshole.

1 Drunk chick with no shoes getting a piggy back ride from a guy who might be her boyfriend, or might be a total stranger. 

40,000 Cubs fans

11 Irritated people waiting for the Belmont bus

0 Hot single straight men. 

Greatest Cosby Sweater


These pictures are hard to make out, I took them off the TV. But it's Bill Cosby, on the Cosby show, wearing one of his infamous sweaters. Only this one was the best one I've ever seen him wear. It's bright blue and covered in pictures of various hair combs. Why? No, don't question the sweaters.(image)

JUNE 15: End Of An Era


On June 15, 2009 I will have had this blog for 4 years. That is sort of an accomplishment because my friend told me that is longer than the average lifespan of a blog.

So, it is bittersweetly that I tell you, I'm shutting her down on June 15.

It's not that I don't love you. I do. It's just that as I edge ever closer to 30 and with some changes coming up in the future, and with the advances of Facebook and Twitter, I'm not only out of stuff to talk about but I also would like to live a little more...offline.

So one more month kids. I'll try to write often and then we'll have a big online goodbye party for FKBT with virtual cake.

A Deep Conversation About Chicago Theatre


Daren: I really want to see the show "Red Noses".
ME: Yeah, I keep hearing about it. Um, is it about Rudolph? (starts laughing uncontrollably) Are you being serious?
ME: No. Kinda.
Daren: No, it's think it's like Patch Adams meets The Plague.
ME: Sounds fun.


Men or Yorkies?


The other day I found myself browsing through the mens on an online dating service I'm on. It was frustrating. I got bored and started looking at pictures of yorkies instead because I love yorkies. But then I realized that I had abandoned looking for a boyfriend to look for a dog, so I went back to the online dating service. But then I realized that you can shop for a boyfriend the same way you can shop for a dog -- find a cute one, read about it, make sure it will be loyal and doesn't pee on the floor, and that creeped me out. So then I went back to looking at yorkies. But then I realized, I don't have the time, money or ability to keep a yorkie in my apartment. So I went back to looking at men. Then I wondered if I have the time, money or ability to keep a man. So I just went to Facebook and commented on the updates of all the friends I already have.



My brother and sister in law are officially having...


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Modern Romance


(image) (image)

Come See Our Show!!


Now at our new location: The Beat Kitchen (2100 W. Belmont)
Sunday, May 3, 2009 7:30pm
Cost: $12 advance / $15 at the door
Mortified Chicago welcomes spring as only we can with another angst-filled performance at our new location, The Beat Kitchen, on Sunday, May 3, 7:30pm. Our performance will also feature the musical stylings of Chicago’s first—and only—punk-rock choral group, the Blue Ribbon Glee Club ( Tickets for the performance are on sale now for $12 at or Remaining tickets can be purchased at the door for $15.
Hailed "a cultural phenomenon" by Newsweek and featured frequently on This American Life, Mortified is a personal excavation of teen angst artifacts (journals, letters, poems, lyrics, home movies, stories and more)...shared with total strangers. Our grassroots stage show, Mortified Live, is the largest and longest-running production of its kind, fueled by intense word of mouth and running in cities dotting our ever-expanding empire of angst (LA, NYC, San Fran, Chicago, Boston, Austin, and Portland, OR).

Mortified Chicago’s May performance at the Beat Kitchen will feature six performers, in addition to the Blue Ribbon Glee Club, and will have a run-time of approximately 90 minutes. Tickets can be purchased in advance online. Seating is first-come. For additional questions, or if you would like to mortify yourself in a future production, please contact Mortified Chicago producer, Brooke Allen. For additional background or to hear clips from previous shows, visit Share the shame!

The Boyfriend Song


I love my friends. They are amazing. All have them. I should get vegan fishball dumped more often. My friends have been sending texts and cupcakes...but this cheer up gift is my favorite. It's a song written for my by my talented friend Philip to the tune of the Nanny song from Mary Poppins.

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Wanted: a boyfriend for one adorable Brooke Allen.

If you'd like to be my boyfriend
Please be kind but don't be vegan.
Bring me surprises and breakfast in bed.
Be wise, not wed.

Never wear crocs or flax.
If you have a unibrow, please wax.
Don't live with your mom or brother.
Shut UP about your bi ex lover.

You must say please, you must be funny.
Must eat cheese and MUST eat honey.
Don't be mean when I say I don't drink.
Be clean. Don't stink.

Be confident but let me talk please
And try to have a bigger c*** please.

If you have a job and some ambition
If you're involved and not in prison.

I won't try to change the way you act or look.
I won't mock your p**** size when we break up.

Hurry boyfriend.
Never doubt
I'm waitin.
But get your shit worked out.

Feel Sorry For Me


I just want everyone in Blog-land to know that I got dumped last night while eating vegan fishballs. If someone is willing to eat vegan fishballs for you, then at least have the respect to wait 24 hours before telling them you are still in love with your ex-girlfriend. That's all I have to say about that.

During this trying time I will be accepting from my friends love letters, pink cupcakes, and anything made out of cheese.

Bump It


Someone buy me this! I need a bump it! This is for girls who want to have great big Amy Winehouse hair. Let me tell you girls, when Amy Winehouse talks about "getting a bump" she means something else entirely. Amy's "bump its" are less for the hair and more for the nose.

But also, don't put this thing on your's going to lead to disaster.

And also, someone buy me one.

For my 30th birthday, which is not for a VERY long time, I would like a gift basket of "As Seen on TV" products. A Shamwow, a Bumpit, a Snuggie, a Chia Obama, and The Ped-egg (even though that commercial makes me gag). Someone get on that.

Bump it.

Great New Blog


Everyone click on the link above to go to an awesome new music blog. I don't know who that kid is that is writing it, but he is VERY smart and VERY talented. Although, not as darling and amazing as his older would guess.

Seriously though, Craigen knows what he's talking about. He also has a picture of his dog wearing headphones, so go check it.

If this doesn't make you happy...your heart is made of coal.


TV is Freaking Me Out


I'm housesitting this week at a house with both cable and On Demand. Needless to say, my brain is fried. After hours of "Toddlers in Tiaras" "18 Kids and Counting" "Demetri Martin" and "The Office" I officially hit my max a second ago, when I was flipping channels and came across my own mother in Spanish.

That's right. My mom was in the movie US Marshalls. She had one line. That movie was dubbed into Spanish. So while flipping channels I came across my mother, in her movie, but dubbed by a spanish lady.

This freaked me out more than "Toddlers and Tiaras" and the Duggars combined. It freaked me out even more than the other night when I watched this crappy show called "The Locator" about a guy who finds adopted people and birth families. In that episode, he reunited a 29 year old adopted girl with her birthparents who had subsequently had two more daughters. The Locator mentioned that this is rare and something "YOU NEVER EVER SEE" which made me laugh since it's my exact life. I wrote a strong email. Seriously.

During the Locator there was a commercial for one of those "Medical Freakshow" programs, you know, the ones that disguise themselves as exploring medical mysteries but are really no different than circus sideshows. The episode they were advertising was for "THE WOMAN WITH THE GIANT LEGS" who suffers from the "very rare disease" with the strange name "LYMPHEDEMA". At this point I threw a sock at the tv. First of all, it's not that's just rare that anyone including doctors knows anything about it, second of all...our legs aren't THAT giant.

I was waiting for a commercial for the new hit show, "Girl with brown hair named Brooke eating cake on her friend's sofa".

So, after seeing my life played out on reality TV in two languages, I've decided to flip it off now and do something reading my new book "Pride and Prejudice and Zombies."

Birthday Planning


All I'm saying is that I'm growing my hair out...and I have a very important birthday coming up in September. So if y'all want to chip in for something special...

You Pierce My Soul


I'm going to preface this by saying that I've lost 21 pounds...16 since January. 

Now I'm going to tell you, that it was my privilege and honor to eat this with Steve last week. 


Famous People and Game Shows


Don't you think that with all the famous people there are, you would know more of them? Especially now in the age of internet celebrities and B celebrities. Don't you also feel like since game shows are on every single day of the week you should know more people who have been on them?

I am shocked by the lack of celebrities in my life. I am shocked by the lack of game show contestants in my life.

My stepdad used to teach theatre to college students and he taught Steve Carrell. He mentioned that all casually one day. He also taught Jennifer Garner who I actually used to know. I was in junior high and she was in college but we were roommates one summer at Timberlake while my families cabin was being built. She snores. do I. She also made fun of Samson my giant stuffed animal gorilla. (Reader, are you more surprised at learning that I bunked with the Alias star for a summer...or that I had a giant gorilla named Samson? Alas, Jen made it to Hollywood, Samson is still sitting in a chair in my moms attic.) Jen, as she was called then, taught me some things about birth control that I was probably a little too young to learn. She played Fruma Sara in our production of Fiddler on the Roof, I have a picture of that. Then the following year we went to see her in a college production of Cabaret where she played Sally Bowls. That was about it.

My family also knows Michael Gross, the Dad from Family Ties. He was in a play (again, at Timberlake) with my mom called "Love Letters". I remember finding the script "Love Letters" when I was in about third grade and reading the whole thing cover to cover while my mom wasn't looking. Again, probably not appropriate reading for a 9 year old. Y'all, my childhood was different than yours ok?

That's about it for celebs I know. Not that impressive.

In terms of game shows, I only know one. It's the same one most of you know. My friend, who likes to go by "Big Gay Jim" was on the Price Is Right years ago, before I knew him. And if you could just see Bob Barker's face while he hands "Big Gay Jim" his plinko's amazing. BGJ was someone who used to shout your name as you walked in the door and throw glitter at you. Jim won a decent chunk of money that he spent in seconds flat and I believe also a year supply of eggs.

But really, shouldn't I know more people who have been on television? Shouldn't we all know more people who have been on television? Who do YOU know?

I'm An Aunt!!


(image) I would like to present my new Nephdog. Little Brother Craigen just adopted this adorable puppy from a retriever rescue place in Arizona. I'm so proud of him and excited for him! The dog was born on Christmas so I suggested he name it "Red" for the following reasons:

- In the movie "A Christmas Story" Ralphie wants a Red Rider BB Gun.
- Red is one of the Christmas colors.
- We used to have a retriever named Blue and I think Red would be funny.
- It's cute.

Enjoy these cute pics of my new nephdog. That is the cutest dog I have ever seen in my entire life.

Um, soon we will have more pics of my actual nephew!

BAMJABC: Persuasion


I didn't know I was going to be this sad when the Brooke-And-Mom-Jane-Austen-Book-Club ended, but I really am. To commemorate our lovely time together I bought mom a really pretty bracelet with a quote from Pride & Prejudice on it, and this Jane Austen finger puppet.As planned from the beginning, we wrapped up by having high tea at the Drake. It was lovely. We got all dressed up. I can sum up my mother for you in this next bit, my mom is 75% ballsy and hillarious, 25% soooooo embarassing. So as we ascended the steps to the tearoom and she commented rather loudly about the ladies in front of us, "Jeans? To tea? GIVE ME A BREAK!" I wasn't sure whether to laugh or blush, so I just did my usual combo. It's hard to judge mom for openly judging strangers when only seconds before in my head I'd whispered to myself, "Stupid trashy can tourists."The tea was delightful. I had Vanilla Bean tea which was listed under the "Highly Caffeinated" section (I highly regretted it later). There was a three tiered tray of delicious goodies and I would like you to all know that as I placed my pinkies in the air and dabbed a bit of my scone into the lemon curd, the head waiter came rushing over and this is what ensued. (PS, this is one of those times for my mom where she must want to laugh at me and also be sooooo embarrassed).WAITER: Ma'am! I just had to come over and tell you that you have EXCELLENT scone skills.ME: Oh! Thank you!WAITER: Truly, I was just the other day teaching my staff the art of handling a scone at tea and here you are doing it perfectly.ME: Ah, yes...well...WAITER: Some people slice the scone, or butter it all at once...but the way you are doing it is exactley right. Great job!That's right, I was congratulated on my scone skills. SCONE SKILLS. I hope that my Dad was peeking down from the clouds to listen in on that one because he used to always get so embarrassed of our table etiquette when we were kids, mostly because I would butter both sides of the bread as Tate clanged his fork and knife into the table shouting "Food Food Food". (To be fair, this only happened once...but it happened at the Country Club. And what happens at the Country Club is emblazoned on the reputations of upper class white males for the rest of their lives.)Right. So the final book was Persuasion. I loved it. It was pretty sexy and full of lovers and jealousies and violent injuries. Not just the quiet drawing room shenanigans of other Austen books. I mean, someone falls and gets a brain injury and Austen actually uses the word "Blood" which really threw me for a loop. Mom and I both liked this book a lot and had a lot to say about it. We love Anne Elliott and don't like to see her portrayed as a Fanny Price. This book has a darker side and a sadness to it, and the bad guys seem more villainous than usual, but that makes the totally expected ending a lot richer. The book is about a woman finding out that she can make up her own mind about things and regretting the ways in which her life would be different if she hadn't been so persuaded all the time by her friends and family. Not that I can relate to that at all. Not that this is exactly my life story right now. Not that I took an online quiz to determine which Jane Austen character I am and came up Anne Elliott right away. Sigh.So, here is my final Jane Austen book summary.Persuasion:- Anne Elliott used to be young and pretty. Now she is, gasp, 27. Her younger annoying sister Mary is married, but her older beautiful sister Elizabeth who is 29 ($*&!!&*[...]

BAMJABC: Emma & Mansfield Park


Yikes! It has been a while on these, but since Mom and I are finishing up the Jane Austen Book Club this week I thought I should catch up before the grand finale. We decided to read the books in chronological order which means that we should have read Mansfield Park and then Emma but we did it the other way around because...we messed up.It's fun having these two books together actually because I can't think of two Austen characters less similar. Emma is behaves badly, is the only child currently living at home, is rich and willful and always has her hands in other people's business. She is popular and beautiful and manipulative. Fanny on the other hand, is always well behaved, is one of so many children that her parents must divide them up among the relations, is inherently poor, and is such a doormat that in one scene an entire conversation occurs before someone says, "Hey, where is Fanny?" and Fanny says meekly from the sofa, "I'm right here".Let me just sum these girls up in this way: Emma gets to be named Emma Woodhouse. Fanny has to be named Fanny Price. 'Nuff said.The movie "Clueless" is based on Emma, and is actually a closer adaptation than most other more traditional versions (Cough cough, looking at you Paltrow.) So this plot line might sound familiar, let's check it out.EMMA- So, Emma is really really rich and lives with her hypochondriac dad who is nice but a little irritating in their great big mansion. She is sad because her nanny has gotten married and moved down the street.- Mr. Knightly is "like a brother" to Emma. Mmmm Hmmm.- Mr. Elton is "like a creep" to Emma. He is totally in love with her but she's all, "I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole...but I have this friend you might like..."- By the way Emma is a hopeless matchmaker.- Emma has a new friend Harriet who is sort of a mess and would fall in love with a shoe if it told her she was pretty. Emma convinces Harriet that Mr. Elton is in love with her.- Mr. Churchill comes to town and Emma thinks maybe she might have a thing for him.- There is a girl named Jane, Emma thinks she's a pain in the ass.- Mr. Elton professes his love for Emma, EW! Harriet is heartbroken. Harriet falls for Mr. Churchill. Tension.- Emma goes to a picnic and is totally rude to a lady telling a boring story. Mr. Knightly scolds Emma BIG TIME. Emma feels like shit. "NOTHING IS GOING MY WAY!"- Mr. Churchill and Jane reveal they are secretly engaged. There is a piano involved, but I read this a while ago now...- Harriet is no longer in love with Mr. Elton (she burns all his memoribilia in a fireplace) and she is no longer in love with Mr. Churchill (he saved her from gypsies, she got over it) Now she's way into Mr. Knightly.- Emma haaaaaaaaaates that Harriet likes Mr. Knightly. "Why should that bother me? Oh, I know, BECAUSE I LOVE HIM SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH!"- Emma reveals to Mr. Knightly that she is madly in love with him. (Romantic, but kind of a bitch friendship move) Mr. Knightly almost cries with happiness because, oh my god, he's totally in love with her too That worked out perfectly!- Emma breaks the news to Harriet that she's engaged to Knightly, Harriet is PIIIIISSSSSED. They stop talking. Poor Plain Harriet.- Emma mends some of her bitchy ways.- Harriet stops talking to Emma. But then returns to say that she is now engaged to Mr. Martin, whom she has really loved all along but Emma always said he wasn't good enough for her.- They all rejoice and are friends.MANSFIELD PARK- Fanny Price is nine years [...]

Things that made me laugh this week.


(image) On the way to Brigitte's house the other day I was walking behind this denim loving couple. They REALLY like denim.

(image) This white out pen in my office looks like it's pregnant.

Decoration Citations


(image) The World is a series of extremes. For Example, this house, which Kristen was kind enough to pull over so I could photograph is a little hard to see, but has easter eggs in the upstairs windows, a cross on the front door, a shamrock in the living room window, and a Christmas tree outside. There were also hanging Christmas lights inside. (When the first photo didn't turn out Kristen drove around the block so we could try again and said very seriously, "We'll go around the block, I know how much this means to you." That's friendship.)


Then on the flip side we have this house. One lousy ribbon on one lousy tree. I was tempted to just pull it off myself. Christmas is OVER! Let the dream die!

High Tea


Mom and I are having High Tea at the Drake on Sunday. Today at work Daren helped me try on a few "High Tea" hats...which do you think is best?

(image) This one is called "The Fancy Cowgirl"

(image) Daren calls this number "The Boy George"

(image) Here we have "The Innocent Rose"

(image) And this one is called the "If ou put this picture on your blog I will kill you."